Strengthening Your Discomfort Muscle

Last week in the note about “Influencers vs. Leaders,” I mentioned that leaders can’t always do or say things designed for others' comfort. Today’s note is pretty short and sweet, but I wanted to explore that thought a little further because I think increasing our tolerance for being uncomfortable is a form of community care.

The thing is . . . like it or not, we’re in a moment that calls on everyone to take a stand. It calls on everyone to be a leader. We can’t wait for the “right” person to come along. And frankly, any person who comes along with a message about how we’re all going to remain perfectly comfortable, while simultaneously making our society better, is full of shit.

Creating actual change when things are broken or there’s a need for growth, requires doing new things, usually less comfortable things.

YOU are the right person. You can lead yourself. But, you must be willing to be much more uncomfortable.

Here’s an example of what I mean: Last June a friend in the health and wellness space messaged me saying they were experiencing especially aggressive behavior from a follower after this friend stood up for their views on abortion rights. The friend asked how I handle that kind of behavior myself. I gave them some tips and then I told my friend the truth . . .

I’m human. The aggression or shaming or fracture of relationships or any other form of pushback when I take a stand is definitely fear-inducing. I just do it afraid.

A big part of standing up and leading yourself, is daily, maybe hourly, living with the fear of disapproval or ostracization, or worse. Tolerance of greater and greater discomfort is a muscle we must strengthen, especially when it comes to the care and protection of our communities.

Rosa Parks and John Brown and Sylvia Rivera and Sophie Scholl and others like them, all had in common strong discomfort tolerance. They were fierce (not fearless) in their community care practices. Each time they spoke out for a change that was necessary, their muscle for withstanding the disapproval (or worse) got stronger.

My best friend calls this being “unfuckwithable.” I’m trying to get there every day.

What are you called to do? Is it worth tolerating greater discomfort to do it? What issues are you “unfuckwithable” when it comes to community care?