Thanks for sharing your social media break experience, Kim. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what my relationship w/ social media will be too. I think this is a very central question for so many of us right now.
I've focused on increasing my reading or directly-connecting-with-friends time and also noticed that my social media time has drastically decreased. It's just not actually that fun. The less time I spend on it, the more I know what I actually want to get out of it and can be intentional about my time and energy there.
Lyndsey, I 100% agree w/ you. I actually focus a lot of time for in-person or pre-planned calls w/ friends & the more I do that, the less "fun" social media is. Thanks for sharing your strategy.
I totally understand where you are coming from! The more time I spend on social media, the more yuck I feel. I will get off and stay away for months, but then get sucked back in and it will drain me within a week. I have NO idea how to moderate it (despite doing the normal things like limiting app time/access, only going into groups, etc). I just don't believe it's designed to moderate-able.
I agree. The more I think about this, the more I think that it hits the nail on the head. Social media designed to be binged, craved, and relied upon. I mean, look at how much conversation this topic sparks. So many of us want to stay away from it, but struggle to do so.
It's a truth we know about food- modern food scientists have made foods that are designed to create addiction. Modern social scientists have made websites that are designed to create addiction. There is very little middle ground for a lot of us.
We stopped the Christmas chaos. Because of covid, we haven't traveled to be with family for the winter holidays since 2019. We had already trimmed present-giving down so that no more than $50 was spent by any person, and each only gave presents to three others (Secret Santa assignment made sure everyone got equal numbers and values). But this year we just didn't. We did Zoom instead. And stayed home. And celebrated with quiet days with a few special touches. It was splendid.
Deborah, I love this! We do not travel for the Christmas holiday either. Staying at home w/ a few special touches is just our speed. The further steps you've taken around gift-giving are awesome too!
Our initial gift-giving plan was also amazing. EACH person gave THREE presents, one to cost $40, one $5, and one free. The people for each value were specified (there are online tools for arranging this). We did not know ahead of time who was giving to us--just who we were giving to. For the $40 presents, this sometimes required getting to know someone better (our family group is about 15 people). The $5 gifts were the hardest! The free ones were the most fun. It was important for us to be able to be physically present together for the "reveals." And it was a great way to make Christmas more low-key and, ultimately, personal. Thanks to my nephew's now-wife for getting us into this practice, and to my niece for calling the total halt this year. We do presents. Just not for official occasions (even for the young generation).
I love this SO much!! I have two small kids, and while I realize and appreciate children are susceptible to novelty, I can see capitalism twisting their little hearts. Especially this year, as we got back out there and "did" all the capitalist Christmas things. This is something I would love to start doing!
Angie, your description of your time in Italy, especially around food (because, Celiac) in a pasta/bread centric culture, brought back fond memories of my time in the Cinque Terre (and just hours behind Rick Steves by coincidence). It is so true! We just relaxed because they know gluten free.
About Social Media: I still wrestle, and perhaps for now it is a wrestling I'm doing my best to be OK with by designating times where my primary use of it is as a Microphone, and secondary use of it is to be a discerning Receiver/Listening Device. The tertiary use, then, is about 10 minutes where it is a free-for-all binge watching of silly cat videos for the sole purpose of laughing my ass/a$$ off at the end of a hard day in lieu of choosing, say, to take a more consequential swan dive into a sweet treat (so not helpful for building up insulin sensitivity against a genetic trait for diabetes). The Social Media platforms may have plans for how they want me to use their stuff, but I just take out my schedule and say, "Nope, here's how I want to use it, too bad." :D
Imei, I'm glad my description rang true for you too. We didn't get to do Cinque Terre this time, but I'm looking forward to future trips. BTW, the online Rick Steves community saved our bacon w/ great car rental return trips. Love that you were trailing his crew!
Also, thanks for sharing your approach to social. I like your categorization of "microphone" & "listening device." Smart way to think of it!
I have heard so many good stories about Rick Steves and his crew regarding the best advice on travel. I understand that he had his crew do their very best updating all their Europe content because of pandemic impacts, including what places were still open and what ones closed or changed their policies and practices.
While my study to become a Ham Radio operator is on hold for awhile as I finish up other projects, it really has made me think more about the purposes of my Social Media use and the microphone v. listening device distinction. Ham operators can't do both at the same time, thus we call out a handle every so often to even indicate we're here but listening, not broadcasting actively. An aside: I got interested in Ham Radio as a healthcare worker, in that in an emergency and if satellite is down, Ham is still up and operational. The call went out for more BIPOC and healthcare workers who understand FEMA structure and deployment of resources used in emergencies (you have to learn it in Public Health to volunteer). And it got me thinking how Social Media tries to get people thinking the mic is always on and always hot. That's just not necessarily true, or rather, that is one PERCEPTION. You can, in practice, create a different one, and thus shape your practices into something that "works" for you.
Winter is jam packed every year for the past 23 years with my husband! When we welcomed our daughter 16 years ago in November it made matters even busier. Her birthday then his birthday then father in law's birthday then Christmas. All in 4 weeks. Oh and we throw a Christmas party too because we decided years ago that time was the most precious gift so we want to spend it dancing and laughing with our friends. It is a lot of work but to be honest, I missed it during the panasonic and am glad to have our events back
As far as socials go, i am about done with them all but I love being able to connect with new like minded people. I'm not sure how I would navigate meeting so many cool people in one place... so I haven't deleted them all completely. I just decide how I use them now instead of the other way around!
I also cried into some gluten-free food in Italy in 2021 (arancini, I think?). Before AIP I was one of those people who got annoyed by food sensitivities and such. Now that I live with my own, I wonder what I was afraid of. It is such a joy to accommodate people, it's not actually that difficult, and it makes such an incredible difference for us when we feel seen and cared for in that way.
The GF arancini is cry-worthy! I appreciate that you brought up being annoyed by food sensitivities before facing it yourself & found that annoyance rooted in some fear. I think that is a super important observation. I think a lot of folks who are annoyed about accommodating others around food are trying to cover somewhat being afraid . . . afraid of being the one who has to change their diet, fearful of needing to adapt & being poorly received by others too.
I'm so glad you were able to take a break! Your trip sounds amazing- I am chomping at the bit to start traveling internationally and trying to talk myself into (or out of??) taking a spirited three year old and neurodivergent 6 year old to Ireland for three months. We'll see....
I agree 100% about slowing down. I forced myself to slow down and close up shop on a few businesses last year and it was seriously the best decision ever. But I am ever feeling the pull back into MORE. And I'm so glad I read this today, because I was considering saying "Yes" to two new commitments, partly because people asked and I hate saying no, and partly because I have spent my whole life believing that my value comes from doing more and more and more. Thanks for sharing!
I can't wait to see what you have in store for us this year!
Thanks for sharing that I'm not the only one who struggles to pull back from MORE. Regarding traveling to Ireland for three months w/ your kids, DOOOOO IT! We lived in W. Africa w/ our daughter for 3 yrs when she was young. You can do it & your kids will be richer for it.
There are quite a few online tools, most of which are more sophisticated than the one we used (because we started using this one in 2014, before that someone pulled names from a hat . . . less satisfactory and more work). You can Google Secret Santa generators and come up with some quite fancy options! Wirecutter did a review of several, as have other sites. The one that has worked for us is . . . kinda funky, but did the job and we have had no reason to change. It *is* useful to be able to occasionally limit who-gets-whom (like not repeating last year's set exactly). We've been able to finagle that. https://www.boogspace.com/secret-santa-generator.asp
Regarding how Italians seem to have slow built right into their culture... if I'm remembering correctly the term for that is "dolce far niente". The sweet do nothing...? Spending time in Italy with a family I knew there, mealtimes made me feel like a 5 year old hopped up on sugar. While the food tasted amaaaazing, they took _so long_ to eat, and talk, and eat more. Visiting there with my American sensibilities I always felt like things moved so slow, I had a hard time sitting still. Now looking back on that and reading about your trip... maybe I should take that as a cue and stop working on my laptop at the kitchen table. An Italian friend once saw my computer on my table and reacted like I was committing blasphemy. I don't think I really understood at the time, but since then I've come to understand that making dinner time sacred is a good way to slow down and appreciate family time. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for sharing your social media break experience, Kim. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what my relationship w/ social media will be too. I think this is a very central question for so many of us right now.
I've focused on increasing my reading or directly-connecting-with-friends time and also noticed that my social media time has drastically decreased. It's just not actually that fun. The less time I spend on it, the more I know what I actually want to get out of it and can be intentional about my time and energy there.
Lyndsey, I 100% agree w/ you. I actually focus a lot of time for in-person or pre-planned calls w/ friends & the more I do that, the less "fun" social media is. Thanks for sharing your strategy.
I totally understand where you are coming from! The more time I spend on social media, the more yuck I feel. I will get off and stay away for months, but then get sucked back in and it will drain me within a week. I have NO idea how to moderate it (despite doing the normal things like limiting app time/access, only going into groups, etc). I just don't believe it's designed to moderate-able.
Kelsey, I think your point here about it not being designed for moderation is SUPER important. We need to talk about that aspect more.
I agree. The more I think about this, the more I think that it hits the nail on the head. Social media designed to be binged, craved, and relied upon. I mean, look at how much conversation this topic sparks. So many of us want to stay away from it, but struggle to do so.
It's a truth we know about food- modern food scientists have made foods that are designed to create addiction. Modern social scientists have made websites that are designed to create addiction. There is very little middle ground for a lot of us.
We stopped the Christmas chaos. Because of covid, we haven't traveled to be with family for the winter holidays since 2019. We had already trimmed present-giving down so that no more than $50 was spent by any person, and each only gave presents to three others (Secret Santa assignment made sure everyone got equal numbers and values). But this year we just didn't. We did Zoom instead. And stayed home. And celebrated with quiet days with a few special touches. It was splendid.
Deborah, I love this! We do not travel for the Christmas holiday either. Staying at home w/ a few special touches is just our speed. The further steps you've taken around gift-giving are awesome too!
Our initial gift-giving plan was also amazing. EACH person gave THREE presents, one to cost $40, one $5, and one free. The people for each value were specified (there are online tools for arranging this). We did not know ahead of time who was giving to us--just who we were giving to. For the $40 presents, this sometimes required getting to know someone better (our family group is about 15 people). The $5 gifts were the hardest! The free ones were the most fun. It was important for us to be able to be physically present together for the "reveals." And it was a great way to make Christmas more low-key and, ultimately, personal. Thanks to my nephew's now-wife for getting us into this practice, and to my niece for calling the total halt this year. We do presents. Just not for official occasions (even for the young generation).
I love this SO much!! I have two small kids, and while I realize and appreciate children are susceptible to novelty, I can see capitalism twisting their little hearts. Especially this year, as we got back out there and "did" all the capitalist Christmas things. This is something I would love to start doing!
Deborah, I agree w/ Kelsey. Love your ideas here. Mind sharing the online tools you all used to arrange your process.
Angie, your description of your time in Italy, especially around food (because, Celiac) in a pasta/bread centric culture, brought back fond memories of my time in the Cinque Terre (and just hours behind Rick Steves by coincidence). It is so true! We just relaxed because they know gluten free.
About Social Media: I still wrestle, and perhaps for now it is a wrestling I'm doing my best to be OK with by designating times where my primary use of it is as a Microphone, and secondary use of it is to be a discerning Receiver/Listening Device. The tertiary use, then, is about 10 minutes where it is a free-for-all binge watching of silly cat videos for the sole purpose of laughing my ass/a$$ off at the end of a hard day in lieu of choosing, say, to take a more consequential swan dive into a sweet treat (so not helpful for building up insulin sensitivity against a genetic trait for diabetes). The Social Media platforms may have plans for how they want me to use their stuff, but I just take out my schedule and say, "Nope, here's how I want to use it, too bad." :D
Imei, I'm glad my description rang true for you too. We didn't get to do Cinque Terre this time, but I'm looking forward to future trips. BTW, the online Rick Steves community saved our bacon w/ great car rental return trips. Love that you were trailing his crew!
Also, thanks for sharing your approach to social. I like your categorization of "microphone" & "listening device." Smart way to think of it!
I have heard so many good stories about Rick Steves and his crew regarding the best advice on travel. I understand that he had his crew do their very best updating all their Europe content because of pandemic impacts, including what places were still open and what ones closed or changed their policies and practices.
While my study to become a Ham Radio operator is on hold for awhile as I finish up other projects, it really has made me think more about the purposes of my Social Media use and the microphone v. listening device distinction. Ham operators can't do both at the same time, thus we call out a handle every so often to even indicate we're here but listening, not broadcasting actively. An aside: I got interested in Ham Radio as a healthcare worker, in that in an emergency and if satellite is down, Ham is still up and operational. The call went out for more BIPOC and healthcare workers who understand FEMA structure and deployment of resources used in emergencies (you have to learn it in Public Health to volunteer). And it got me thinking how Social Media tries to get people thinking the mic is always on and always hot. That's just not necessarily true, or rather, that is one PERCEPTION. You can, in practice, create a different one, and thus shape your practices into something that "works" for you.
Winter is jam packed every year for the past 23 years with my husband! When we welcomed our daughter 16 years ago in November it made matters even busier. Her birthday then his birthday then father in law's birthday then Christmas. All in 4 weeks. Oh and we throw a Christmas party too because we decided years ago that time was the most precious gift so we want to spend it dancing and laughing with our friends. It is a lot of work but to be honest, I missed it during the panasonic and am glad to have our events back
As far as socials go, i am about done with them all but I love being able to connect with new like minded people. I'm not sure how I would navigate meeting so many cool people in one place... so I haven't deleted them all completely. I just decide how I use them now instead of the other way around!
Okay, I adore your pandemic term. Panasonic is my new fav. LOL! Time as the precious gift, resonating w/ that too.
And yes, navigating how to meet so many other cool people in one place . . . it's not possible & that's the bummer part.
I also cried into some gluten-free food in Italy in 2021 (arancini, I think?). Before AIP I was one of those people who got annoyed by food sensitivities and such. Now that I live with my own, I wonder what I was afraid of. It is such a joy to accommodate people, it's not actually that difficult, and it makes such an incredible difference for us when we feel seen and cared for in that way.
The GF arancini is cry-worthy! I appreciate that you brought up being annoyed by food sensitivities before facing it yourself & found that annoyance rooted in some fear. I think that is a super important observation. I think a lot of folks who are annoyed about accommodating others around food are trying to cover somewhat being afraid . . . afraid of being the one who has to change their diet, fearful of needing to adapt & being poorly received by others too.
Hey Angie!
I'm so glad you were able to take a break! Your trip sounds amazing- I am chomping at the bit to start traveling internationally and trying to talk myself into (or out of??) taking a spirited three year old and neurodivergent 6 year old to Ireland for three months. We'll see....
I agree 100% about slowing down. I forced myself to slow down and close up shop on a few businesses last year and it was seriously the best decision ever. But I am ever feeling the pull back into MORE. And I'm so glad I read this today, because I was considering saying "Yes" to two new commitments, partly because people asked and I hate saying no, and partly because I have spent my whole life believing that my value comes from doing more and more and more. Thanks for sharing!
I can't wait to see what you have in store for us this year!
Thanks for sharing that I'm not the only one who struggles to pull back from MORE. Regarding traveling to Ireland for three months w/ your kids, DOOOOO IT! We lived in W. Africa w/ our daughter for 3 yrs when she was young. You can do it & your kids will be richer for it.
There are quite a few online tools, most of which are more sophisticated than the one we used (because we started using this one in 2014, before that someone pulled names from a hat . . . less satisfactory and more work). You can Google Secret Santa generators and come up with some quite fancy options! Wirecutter did a review of several, as have other sites. The one that has worked for us is . . . kinda funky, but did the job and we have had no reason to change. It *is* useful to be able to occasionally limit who-gets-whom (like not repeating last year's set exactly). We've been able to finagle that. https://www.boogspace.com/secret-santa-generator.asp
Love this, Deborah! Thanks for sharing!
Regarding how Italians seem to have slow built right into their culture... if I'm remembering correctly the term for that is "dolce far niente". The sweet do nothing...? Spending time in Italy with a family I knew there, mealtimes made me feel like a 5 year old hopped up on sugar. While the food tasted amaaaazing, they took _so long_ to eat, and talk, and eat more. Visiting there with my American sensibilities I always felt like things moved so slow, I had a hard time sitting still. Now looking back on that and reading about your trip... maybe I should take that as a cue and stop working on my laptop at the kitchen table. An Italian friend once saw my computer on my table and reacted like I was committing blasphemy. I don't think I really understood at the time, but since then I've come to understand that making dinner time sacred is a good way to slow down and appreciate family time. Thanks for the reminder.
Kira, thanks so much for sharing about "dolce far niente." Yes, I love the sweet do nothing, it is meaningful to community care & self-care. <3