I Am Angry all of the time. And anger is what made and makes me aware. How can we not be angry is my question? Thank you for coming out of a healing space - with AIP and showing how you can express views that might upset people. I am an Enneagram 9 so anger sat below the surface for years. And growing up Evangelical, the “nice girl” teachings stuck with me. Being small and sweet was applauded. Thankfully my parents were outliers in our church and encouraged me to speak up. It took me a few years... my late 40s!
My anger first led me to action during the Muslim ban when I went to DFW airport with a friend to welcome newcomers. I now teach English to families weekly. I also put down my soothing fiction novels and began reading everything I could on theology and justice... listening to voices who walked before me. It was a lonely road at times. I lost friends and made new ones, activists and change makers. I also got involved in voting registration efforts and get out the vote. Church looks different for me now too and that’s ok. It might be gathering with a few friends, teaching ESL, reading or hiking... God or Spirit seems to show up in everything.
There is an amazing organization called March to The Polls - I will share their IG account with you.
My husband and I are also helping with a grassroots effort, Christians Against Christian Nationalism through the BJC (Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Freedom).
There are so many areas to use our anger as fuel.
Thank you for leading the way and giving concrete ways to write, speak and act. 💚💚
Kerinbeau, thank you so much for sharing all the ways you transformed your "relationship" to anger over time. I love how you are using it to fuel positive work & try to help address multiple issues that harm us all.
Two things stand out for me:
1) How can we not be angry? This is the question for me. So many folks push this emotion away, but it is appropriate! In the current moment, it is a totally expected emotion. One that needs express & outlet.
2) Church looks different for me now . . . I love that. Very much the same for me too.
Thanks for this, Angie. I really liked this piece. I used to have these sort of "rage fits" due to childhood trauma and repressed emotions. It took me a long time to understand how to direct my anger through more productive channels.
Tbh, I'm still afraid to be angry sometimes, because I spent a long time in the mental health system having people tell me that it wasn't good to be angry or to feel my anger. Repressing anger is one of the quickest ways to flare my AI conditions up though, so -- amongst other reasons -- that's a good motivating force to express my anger in healthier ways (aka not punching a hole in the wall Lol).
I started channeling a lot of my anger through art. For me, art creates a safe space for expressing and processing all kinds of big emotions. I think art and being creative is probably mandatory for healing our world and imaging a greater future.
Mitch, this is a vulnerable share & I appreciate it. It sucks that the mental health system (which should know better) was actually the source of the erroneous message for you that anger wasn't good & shouldn't be felt. I'm glad you came out the other side realizing it should be expressed & there were ways to direct it that weren't destructive. I love, love, love that you said art & creativity are probably mandatory for healing our world & imagining a greater future. A social justice teacher I had once told our class that "imagination is the first thing we lose in an oppressive system," and I think about that constantly. Extending that into knowing art is the way to revive imagination & resist/heal an oppressive system is the next logical step!
Anger has definitely helped me make some changes where they were needed, even if it did upset the people I was angry enough with to place the boundaries on. I’d had enough. Thank you for this note today, it’s definitely something to think a little more deeply on.
I grew up in a family where any negative emotions were downplayed and discouraged. Don’t cry or be sad. Smile. Anger was not even an option, ever.
It wasn’t until I became pregnant and started learning about Respectful Parenting that I started digging into emotions and working through my beliefs and experiences. Nothing brings out my implicit bias towards acceptable emotions than experiencing the negative emotions of my kids.
And I agree- girls are conditioned to never be angry. Society is uncomfortable with an angry woman. See: Nasty Woman.
Anger has been a huge motivator for me, but ironically enough, I have never labeled that feeling as anger. I told myself that I wanted to make a difference. But looking back- I was angry and am angry at a lot of people and systems. “Making a difference” was how I channeled it.
And in my experience, Christians are more than happy to get angry. That anger is just usually directed towards progressive ideals and social justice movements. And of course, gaslighted as “Imma pray for you.”
Side note- There is a great book called “The Upside of Your Darkside” by Todd B. Kashdan and it walks through the importance of “negative” emotions. I recommend it!
Geez, Kelsey, sounds like we had a pretty similar family dynamic. Crying, sadness, & anger were all unacceptable in my home too. Really interesting how you've unpacked that by learning about Respectful Parenting & your realization that "make a difference" was actually anger. Also, YES! You are so right about many Christians & what it's okay to be angry about. Book rec on my list!
My emotional pendulum is long. It swings widely and wildly. I'm okay with that. Sometimes it's great!
As a private, introverted person, I don't generally share or flaunt my emotions, but they do galvanize action. All emotions inspire actions in me. They are the fuel I burn.
One thing that angers me enormously: religion. Every one. I'm not sure there's anything more divisive in humanity. I think religion is one of the major ills of the world, maybe the biggest. Probably the biggest.
To saddle an infant with guilt is unjust (original sin).
To make or let a child believe she'll burn in hell for eternity because she sees no reason to believe a god exists (despite a religious upbringing), and who is too honest to pretend to believe, is not only unjust, it's fucking child abuse.
For the record, two of my closest friends are steadfast Christians. My fundamentalist nephew and I enjoy talking and reading about religion together. I may "attack" a religion, but I won't attack a person. At least, I don't mean to.
Jen, I like how you describe your emotional "pendulum." It feels familiar to me too. As to religion as a source of anger . . . whew, boy! Despite being a Christian myself, I feel this. Currently, I "dissect" my anger over the ills that Christianity has caused on my social media accounts every Sunday. I call it my "correct message for our Sunday." It's definitely a way for me to learn/think more deeply & channel the anger. I'm trying to decide if I should share them here on Notes from a Neighbor too, but I'm unsure I want to send more stuff to all of your inboxes. Just a way to explore this w/ others though, like you are describing w/ your close friends & nephew.
I won't comment on religious posts on social media. That's not really conversation, and I'm not inclined to insert my voice where it's not invited or wanted. But I love sharing a cuppa and a chat about religion in a safe space that's open to it. :-)
Research indicates America will have a gay president before it has an atheist president. I wish I had a link to that research, but I don't. Talk about being marginalized.
I really love your Sunday messages. I would really love it in my inbox every week so I don't have to be on social media to read it, but respect that not everyone may feel the same way.
I wanted to ask you- does your church livestream? There is no church anywhere near us that aligns with our beliefs, so I would like to start our own family devotional time. I searched Progressive Church Streams, but I don't trust the internet on this and would love some referrals if you have any!
Kelsey, I will keep thinking about those Sunday messages & maybe do a little "polling" to see how folks would feel about them in their inboxes.
As to church, whew! It's soooo tough to find great churches that are well-aligned, especially if you have very progressive Christian beliefs and/or need an environment that makes space for questioning. I think you might really like to check out Middle Church. My friend Emelda attends & loves it. I follow their lead pastor on social & it's fire! Here's a link: https://www.middlechurch.org/
As a Christian who has been traumatized by religion (source: see Catholic upbringing and your comment about original sin (spot on)) but still believes that there is a loving Creator, I am angry at most Christians. Most messages seems to be based around fear and control.
I am so embarrassed and angry when Christians relate to atheists with such hatred (and let's be honest- fear). I have honestly never thought of atheists as marginalized, but now I see it. I'm sorry and thank you for bringing it up.
(Please don't take my comment here as evangelizing. It's my way of saying "Yeah, Me Too, but in a little different way.")
I Am Angry all of the time. And anger is what made and makes me aware. How can we not be angry is my question? Thank you for coming out of a healing space - with AIP and showing how you can express views that might upset people. I am an Enneagram 9 so anger sat below the surface for years. And growing up Evangelical, the “nice girl” teachings stuck with me. Being small and sweet was applauded. Thankfully my parents were outliers in our church and encouraged me to speak up. It took me a few years... my late 40s!
My anger first led me to action during the Muslim ban when I went to DFW airport with a friend to welcome newcomers. I now teach English to families weekly. I also put down my soothing fiction novels and began reading everything I could on theology and justice... listening to voices who walked before me. It was a lonely road at times. I lost friends and made new ones, activists and change makers. I also got involved in voting registration efforts and get out the vote. Church looks different for me now too and that’s ok. It might be gathering with a few friends, teaching ESL, reading or hiking... God or Spirit seems to show up in everything.
There is an amazing organization called March to The Polls - I will share their IG account with you.
My husband and I are also helping with a grassroots effort, Christians Against Christian Nationalism through the BJC (Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Freedom).
There are so many areas to use our anger as fuel.
Thank you for leading the way and giving concrete ways to write, speak and act. 💚💚
Kerinbeau, thank you so much for sharing all the ways you transformed your "relationship" to anger over time. I love how you are using it to fuel positive work & try to help address multiple issues that harm us all.
Two things stand out for me:
1) How can we not be angry? This is the question for me. So many folks push this emotion away, but it is appropriate! In the current moment, it is a totally expected emotion. One that needs express & outlet.
2) Church looks different for me now . . . I love that. Very much the same for me too.
Thanks for this, Angie. I really liked this piece. I used to have these sort of "rage fits" due to childhood trauma and repressed emotions. It took me a long time to understand how to direct my anger through more productive channels.
Tbh, I'm still afraid to be angry sometimes, because I spent a long time in the mental health system having people tell me that it wasn't good to be angry or to feel my anger. Repressing anger is one of the quickest ways to flare my AI conditions up though, so -- amongst other reasons -- that's a good motivating force to express my anger in healthier ways (aka not punching a hole in the wall Lol).
I started channeling a lot of my anger through art. For me, art creates a safe space for expressing and processing all kinds of big emotions. I think art and being creative is probably mandatory for healing our world and imaging a greater future.
Cheers to you, Mitch! Hooray for art as an expression of anger and all emotions.
Your last sentence screams inspiration for me. Thank you! But I'm sorry for what it took to get you to that sentence.
Mitch, this is a vulnerable share & I appreciate it. It sucks that the mental health system (which should know better) was actually the source of the erroneous message for you that anger wasn't good & shouldn't be felt. I'm glad you came out the other side realizing it should be expressed & there were ways to direct it that weren't destructive. I love, love, love that you said art & creativity are probably mandatory for healing our world & imagining a greater future. A social justice teacher I had once told our class that "imagination is the first thing we lose in an oppressive system," and I think about that constantly. Extending that into knowing art is the way to revive imagination & resist/heal an oppressive system is the next logical step!
Thank you both for the support! It's been a journey, but well worth the trip
Anger has definitely helped me make some changes where they were needed, even if it did upset the people I was angry enough with to place the boundaries on. I’d had enough. Thank you for this note today, it’s definitely something to think a little more deeply on.
Amanda, I appreciate that you linked anger to the need for some boundaries. There is so much there to unpack.
Fuck yeah.
I grew up in a family where any negative emotions were downplayed and discouraged. Don’t cry or be sad. Smile. Anger was not even an option, ever.
It wasn’t until I became pregnant and started learning about Respectful Parenting that I started digging into emotions and working through my beliefs and experiences. Nothing brings out my implicit bias towards acceptable emotions than experiencing the negative emotions of my kids.
And I agree- girls are conditioned to never be angry. Society is uncomfortable with an angry woman. See: Nasty Woman.
Anger has been a huge motivator for me, but ironically enough, I have never labeled that feeling as anger. I told myself that I wanted to make a difference. But looking back- I was angry and am angry at a lot of people and systems. “Making a difference” was how I channeled it.
And in my experience, Christians are more than happy to get angry. That anger is just usually directed towards progressive ideals and social justice movements. And of course, gaslighted as “Imma pray for you.”
Side note- There is a great book called “The Upside of Your Darkside” by Todd B. Kashdan and it walks through the importance of “negative” emotions. I recommend it!
Geez, Kelsey, sounds like we had a pretty similar family dynamic. Crying, sadness, & anger were all unacceptable in my home too. Really interesting how you've unpacked that by learning about Respectful Parenting & your realization that "make a difference" was actually anger. Also, YES! You are so right about many Christians & what it's okay to be angry about. Book rec on my list!
My emotional pendulum is long. It swings widely and wildly. I'm okay with that. Sometimes it's great!
As a private, introverted person, I don't generally share or flaunt my emotions, but they do galvanize action. All emotions inspire actions in me. They are the fuel I burn.
One thing that angers me enormously: religion. Every one. I'm not sure there's anything more divisive in humanity. I think religion is one of the major ills of the world, maybe the biggest. Probably the biggest.
To saddle an infant with guilt is unjust (original sin).
To make or let a child believe she'll burn in hell for eternity because she sees no reason to believe a god exists (despite a religious upbringing), and who is too honest to pretend to believe, is not only unjust, it's fucking child abuse.
For the record, two of my closest friends are steadfast Christians. My fundamentalist nephew and I enjoy talking and reading about religion together. I may "attack" a religion, but I won't attack a person. At least, I don't mean to.
Jen, I like how you describe your emotional "pendulum." It feels familiar to me too. As to religion as a source of anger . . . whew, boy! Despite being a Christian myself, I feel this. Currently, I "dissect" my anger over the ills that Christianity has caused on my social media accounts every Sunday. I call it my "correct message for our Sunday." It's definitely a way for me to learn/think more deeply & channel the anger. I'm trying to decide if I should share them here on Notes from a Neighbor too, but I'm unsure I want to send more stuff to all of your inboxes. Just a way to explore this w/ others though, like you are describing w/ your close friends & nephew.
I won't comment on religious posts on social media. That's not really conversation, and I'm not inclined to insert my voice where it's not invited or wanted. But I love sharing a cuppa and a chat about religion in a safe space that's open to it. :-)
Research indicates America will have a gay president before it has an atheist president. I wish I had a link to that research, but I don't. Talk about being marginalized.
I really love your Sunday messages. I would really love it in my inbox every week so I don't have to be on social media to read it, but respect that not everyone may feel the same way.
I wanted to ask you- does your church livestream? There is no church anywhere near us that aligns with our beliefs, so I would like to start our own family devotional time. I searched Progressive Church Streams, but I don't trust the internet on this and would love some referrals if you have any!
Kelsey, I will keep thinking about those Sunday messages & maybe do a little "polling" to see how folks would feel about them in their inboxes.
As to church, whew! It's soooo tough to find great churches that are well-aligned, especially if you have very progressive Christian beliefs and/or need an environment that makes space for questioning. I think you might really like to check out Middle Church. My friend Emelda attends & loves it. I follow their lead pastor on social & it's fire! Here's a link: https://www.middlechurch.org/
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Jen.
As a Christian who has been traumatized by religion (source: see Catholic upbringing and your comment about original sin (spot on)) but still believes that there is a loving Creator, I am angry at most Christians. Most messages seems to be based around fear and control.
I am so embarrassed and angry when Christians relate to atheists with such hatred (and let's be honest- fear). I have honestly never thought of atheists as marginalized, but now I see it. I'm sorry and thank you for bringing it up.
(Please don't take my comment here as evangelizing. It's my way of saying "Yeah, Me Too, but in a little different way.")
Thanks for this community care between you & Jen, Kelsey!